Saturday, January 8, 2011

Mormon Pôrn

We now cast our minds all the way back to August 30th 2010: the day a new form of pôrnography was introduced to the internet. In a forum post on bodybuilding.com, "UltimusMormon" said "Being mormon, I can't look at pôrn or nudity. So I have to get creative. That's why I invented "bubbling". His idea was to shoop safe-for-work bikini shots in such a way that the viewer's mind can fill in the blanks.


Voilà! Instant hairy Kazakh pôrn.

Interestingly, if you look back at the original post, in the intervening 4+ months, several image hosting services have decided that the "after" images were in breach of their terms of service. The same hosts quite happily continue to host the original, un-obscured images.

The image hosts subscribe to the old-school definition of pôrnography :

"I know it when I see it" - even if "it" isn't there.

Suciô subscribes to a more empirical definition:

"an image is pôrnographic if you lose interest in it immediately after ejaculation."


Small-Print Tutorial - Layers FTW!

Yesterday' tutorial was all about overcoming your feelings of horror and revulsion on first encountering the rather unfriendly GIMP user interface. If you followed all the steps and, most importantly played around, you should now be able to do in GIMP anything that you were able to do in MS Paint.

Time to introduce a whole new dimension to your shooping with layers.  Save the image below and open it in GIMP as we did with the Mona Lisa yesterday.


Michelle Ryan : wife of the NY Jets head coach and "alleged" foot-fetish video star.


Now to choose a nice foreground color for the layer of bubbles that we're going to lay on top of the lovely Michelle. (Click the black rectangle to bring up the choose foreground color dialog, just like yesterday).

Type Ctrl+L or <Windows><Dockable Dialogs><Layers> to pop up the Layers Window.
Then click the New Layer icon  at the bottom left of the Layers window to pop up the Create a New Layer dialog. Type "Bubbles" into the Layer Name field and make sure you select Layer Fill Type "Foreground Color". Michelle should now have disappeared beneath a blanket of your chosen color.

Make sure that the new "Bubbles" layer is highlighted in the Layers Window and then slide the Opacity slider on the Layers Window to about 50%. You should now be able to see Michelle as though through tinted glass.

Select the eraser tool  from the Toolbox Window and start punching holes in the Bubbles layer. (Erase makes "holes" rather than painting the background color because our new layer has an alpha channel - we'll see much more of this in later tutorials.) Remember, you can change the scale of the eraser using the slider in the tool options window - just like yesterday.

When you're done, slide the Opacity control back up to 100% and save the file.


Tada! Something for Rex Ryan's fap folder.




38 comments:

  1. Mormon porn haha thats class! I can imagine all the young return missionaries back home in Utah eating this stuff up! Looking forward to your tutorial, just downloaded Gimp myself :)

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  2. I look forward to using layers to bubble out my Mona Lisa.

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  3. more mom porn sounds good to me.

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  4. Best definition of porn ever, Sucio.

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  5. "an image is pôrnographic if you lose interest in it immediately after ejaculation." Sounds like all the women in my life are pornstars then!

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  6. Honestly, Mormon porn should be the Sears catalog for children.

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  7. Thanks, I am always wanting to learn more effects to do on photoshop.

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  8. "an image is pôrnographic if you lose interest in it immediately after ejaculation."

    Great definition.

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  9. seriously, i was wondering what those bubbled pictures were about. this actually made sense

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  10. haha this is brilliant, look forward to the tutorial

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  11. Awesome, Mormon porn, Joseph Smith approves!

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  12. A huge spike in GIMP downloads has been noticed coming out of Utah. Wonder why?

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  13. haha, the last pic was hilarious. I love your photoshop skills, can we get some more of that?

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  14. But Mormons are allowed to have 50 wives so what do they really need porn for anyway though...

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  15. Fuck me, I learned something! Email sent.

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  16. the bubble look is cool if you into that I guess.

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  17. I need more porn.. well, i do.

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  18. That's actually a good definition. I don't know how it'll help me convince my friends I was looking at those pictures "just as art reference" though.

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  19. Hahaha, that definition of yours sure makes a lot of sense to me!

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  20. No matter how much I explain it to my brain. Doing this to girls photos still makes the pic twice as sexy. I'm just an animal I suppose.

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  21. The definition is quite good! interesting post =]

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  22. Epic. They really banned the bubble pictures but not the originals? Wtf. Why is everyone dildos?

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  23. Ha ha ha! That last picture is fucking awesome! :)

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  24. Thanks:)

    It was really a great day. we laughed a lot. but it is always so when girls are together

    sleep well (in Germany it is very late)

    xoxo
    http://mar-iza.blogspot.com

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  25. Thanks for the tutorial. I always wanted to do that effect and hide stuff in my pictures.
    Thanks!

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  26. I wanna see some good Baptist Porn one day.

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  27. Haha, was always interested in how that effect was created ;D

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  28. You have to admit the bubble idea is genius for censoring nudes

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  29. Haha I heard of bubbling before! Thanks for teaching me how now! I got creative and "censored" images with fireworks instead, haha. this also gave me ideas with iconing though.

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  30. hahaha rex ryans wife..those vids are awesome

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  31. i plan to use your definition of pornography henceforth.

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