Feel-Bad Election 2012 #3

Now for the ultimate feel-bad nostalgia candidate - Blondie.
Once she was a goddess, rising like Venus from a foam of adolescent semen.
Now, not so much. Botticelli would sooner cut off his hand than knock one out for Debbie.

Feels bad.

Feel-Bad Election 2012 #2

Time for another candidate profile for the 2012 election. Today we bring you the ultimate green candidate - The Gribble.

Plans are afoot to use these loveley creatures to break down cellulose into sugars for conversion to bio-fuel. What could possibly go wrong with creating billions of giant, mutant, wood eating sea-lice?

That's all for today. Suciô's TCP packets are being carried by teams of specially trained mules and the beasts need to rest.

Communing With The Aqua Buddha

Suciô will be blogging less frequently over the next two weeks as he will be in the Old Country, communing with the Aqua Buddha.

You're Doing It Wrong

Well, Suciô's advice to the Frank campaign came a little too late.
In a bizarre incident, Barney's long time partner, traveling companion and "keen gardening enthusiast" James Ready was caught on camera stalking and heckling Sean Beilat.

YOUTUBE VIDEO #2: Barney Frank's BF heckles Sean Bielat.

When Suciô said Barney's core supporters wanted more ass in the campaign this isn't what he meant.

The lovely couple.

Some Campaign Advice For Barney Frank

My old friend Barney Frank has been under some pressure recently as the Beilat campaign has unfairly attacked him on his record and has repeatedly tried to drag issues into the debate. They even tried to make an issue of a few youthful indiscretions and have attacked Barney for taking a well-earned vacation from the burden of representing his proud constituents.

Suciô can understand the temptation for Barney to swallow Beilat's bait and to campaign on his long, proud history of defending the rights of oppressed quasi-governmental mortgage agencies.

Suciô's advice to Barney is to ignore these distractions, and to focus instead on the core issues that are most important to his devoted followers. We think this poster best sums up the approach that he should take.

Suciô thinks that Barney could learn a lot from the campaign of his fellow congressman, Anthony Weiner whose website reflects many of Barney's interests.

Thank you Mr President

On behalf of the people of Massachusetts, Suciô would like to thank the president for his participation in a rally for Gov Deval Patrick yesterday.

Impress your neighbors with a Cthulhu bumper sticker

Worryingly, some of you have expressed a desire to support Cthulhu's campaign. As a public service, Suciô is happy to provide a bumper sticker for his sicker readers.

Feel-Bad Election 2012

As discussed in his previous post, Suciô believes that the 2012 election will be one where electors want to vote for a feel-bad candidate. While confident that he has what it takes to win such a race, Suciô is worried that potential competition may emerge.

The Politics of Smug

Suciô had thought to call today's piece "From Bromance to Tragedy" but, on reflection, the story of Patrick and Obama is the story of an electorate wallowing in smugness.

The radical wing of American politics has always been about self-righteousness: from the opposition of Yankee smugglers to British tariffs, to the abolitionism of slave-free Northerners, to the temperance of teetotalers and support for redistributive taxation from trustafarians. The left never feels better than when it's making grand gestures with other people's money. (Suciô is not attacking these causes - merely observing that their main supporters were not the ones picking up the tab.)

Chào mừng các bạn đọc Việt Nam!

Looking at his stats, Suciô notes that much of our traffic is from Vietnam.
In honor of our Vietnamese reader, the rest of this post will be in Vietnamese.

Suciô nghĩ rằng người dân Việt Nam là người may mắn: 

• Đất nước cộng sản ít hơn chúng ta,
• chính trị gia của họ ít tham nhũng hơn chúng ta,
• và thực phẩm của họ là tốt hơn rất nhiều.

Bình chọn cho Sanchez bẩn!

Deval Patrick: Ewok

Today Suciô brings his political insight to bear on the Massachusetts gubernatorial race.
Despite all the endless column inches devoted to the contest the mainstream media is missing an obvious truth:

Deval Patrick is an Ewok.

His stumpy little body and squeaky voice are clearly designed to appeal to the young and simple minded
Virile, manly men like Suciô meanwhile find the little creature repellent.
Why do we elect politicians who seem to have been designed by George Lucas and a focus group of retards?

A History Lesson for the Suciô Sister

Sister, sister, sister. What can I say? Loretta caused a bit of a stink the other day by comparing the proposed fence along the US/Mexico border to the Berlin Wall.

What the heck, let's have some more McCain

He never gets old right? ...Wait.

Another bumper sticker

Let's keep up the momentum into 11/2. Stick one of these on your bumper and show the world you're Suciô!

Meg's not a team (Sanchez) player

Sadly, not all politicians embrace the Suciô world-view. Meg Whitman is particularly is a disappointing.
Jerry Brown may be an aging flake but he's much more up our alley.
Viva El Bruno!

<Click Meg's picture to see the dark truth>