Sophisticated Political Analysis

With all the distraction caused by <the world's favorite airline> we've been neglecting our core mission - the provision of cogent political analysis:

 Heathrow Airport, one of the world's busiest international air hubs, faced a torrent of criticism Tuesday after it cancelled more than 700 takeoffs and landings, continuing snarls that began with a weekend snowstorm that arrived at the height of holiday travel season.
Germany's main air hub, Frankfurt, was forced to cancel almost 300 flights and Heathrow Airport in the UK said it would continue to run only 30% of flights until 0600 GMT on Wednesday.

The Five Stages of Grief

Still no answer from <the world's favorite airline>. I need closure. I need to be absolutely sure that there's no way I can make my journey by Christmas. Then I can get on with my inner journey through the Kübler-Ross model's five stages of grief.

 1. DENIAL: They can't have shut down the airport for a couple of inches of snow.

2. ANGER: They shut down the f*cking airport for a couple of inches of snow! 

3. BARGAINING: If I could just get through to the help desk, I'd take anything.

4. DEPRESSION: Two f*cking weeks of "A Charlie Brown Christmas".

5. ACCEPTANCE: I've never watched it. Maybe I'll like it... Maybe.

From "Top Ten Tips for Getting the Cheapest Airfare"
by Michael Bluejay - Award-winning writer.

#9 For U.S. to Europe, fly to London first.

Thanks a bundle Michael!

The Sincerest Form of Flattery

The image in yesterday's post (on the left above) is Blake's Nebuchadnezzar (1795). The Babylonian king is shown driven to madness and despair by the incessant chorusing of his Hebrew slaves. The image on the right is a late-Victorian (?) picture of the Yeti (from a Monster Madnezz post).

Do they have Hebrews in the Himalayas?

Not For Human Consumption

<The world's favorite airline> are still not answering their phone. Until they do, we'll continue to post flight/travel related items, because a) it's therapeutic and b) it's lucrative. (Airline ads pay very well for some reason.) To keep the bots on the scent we'll be adding flight-related mumbo-jumbo to any posts that would otherwise be "off-message".

The flagship of our fleet, the Airbus A380, lifts into the sky with airy grace. It's NASA-rated fly-by-wire systems give the pilot the tools he needs to get you to your destination in comfort and safety.

Thank you for flying Suciô Airlines.

Aqua Buddha Travelog - #05

I never want to hear "the Chorus of the Hebrew Slaves" again.

Italian

English Translation

Va, pensiero, sull'ali dorate; va, ti posa sui clivi, sui colli, ove olezzano tepide e molli l'aure dolci del suolo natal! Del Giordano le rive saluta, di Sionne le torri atterrate... Oh mia patria sì bella e perduta! Oh membranza sì cara e fatal! Arpa d'or dei fatidici vati, perché muta dal salice pendi? Le memorie nel petto raccendi, ci favella del tempo che fu! O simile di Sòlima ai fati traggi un suono di crudo lamento, o t'ispiri il Signore un concento che ne infonda al patire virtù.

Fly, thought, on wings of gold; go settle upon the slopes and the hills, where, soft and mild, the sweet airs of our native land smell fragrant! Greet the banks of the Jordan and Zion's toppled towers... Oh, my country so lovely and lost! Oh, remembrance so dear and so fraught with despair! Golden harp of the prophetic seers, why dost thou hang mute upon the willow? Rekindle our bosom's memories, and speak of times gone by! Mindful of the fate of Jerusalem, either give forth an air of sad lamentation, or else let the Lord imbue us with fortitude to bear our sufferings!

Aqua Buddha Travelog - #04

Calling the airline we finally got past the "all our lines are busy" message in the middle of the night. Got as far as "Please hold: an operator will be with you in four...hundred...sixty...four minutes".

Why would an airline model its call center on Dante's Purgatory?

The world's favorite airline.

Aqua Buddha Travelog - #03

WTF!? my flight was cancelled: "wrong kind of snow at Heathrow". Next available flight's not 'till Christmas Day. Nah. Should have booked with an airline who can handle a bit of snow.

Аэрофлот

So now I'm stuck here in the cold with an empty fridge. And worse yet, an empty wine-rack.

Our Research Department.

First stop's the wine merchant, then call in a pizza strike. And maybe pick up a sun-lamp.

Aqua Buddha Travelog - #02

This crew's the best for in-flight safety

Aqua Buddha Travelog - #01

We'll be on the road for the next couple of weeks - posting a card whenever we get internet access.

 Communing with the Aqua Buddha.