Crabs of the World - #6 Space (Part 5)

Personal-Space Invaders

Crabs of the World - #6 Space (Part 4)

Snow day!

Crabs of the World - #6 Space (Part 3)

Suciô's cold is getting better but he's left with a lingering cough and a feeling of disgruntlement. Pandering to our readers' medicinal-hygiene needs has rather kept us away from being mean-spirited to anyone (other than KU cheerleaders). Hopefully we'll make up for lost time when this animation is done. In the meantime there's always the comments section of your blogs. Go on, make my day, post some more Dr DRE, or dubstep, or some life-affirming shït about puppies.

Stage 3 - Who is This Super-Hero?

Time to start work on our "gun". Given our theme, we obviously need a phallic image. We were going to go with a simple pixelated erection, but google image search came up with this winner:

"My parents laughed when I told them I wanted to major in Drama,

but look at me now."

(You can be as cool as this guy for just $49.99.)

We think the model in the picture above has had enough humiliation for one lifetime. We'd like to replace his face with that of an utterly debased public figure, with not a shred of dignity and no redeeming features. We also need someone who's light on his feet. Who better than ex-Whitehouse Chief-of-Staff and soon to be king of the Cook County kleptocracy, Rahm Emanuel?

Ballet Rahmbert.

One complication is his finger: lost in a tragic goosing accident when Nancy hiccuped.
(We'll ignore it : pretend he's wearing a "fingldo" prosthetic.)

Behold! Rahm, the Hebrew God of Dicks.

We know Rahm's light on his feet. Is he light on his balls?

Looks good. Now we just need to add a black background and mask trailing frames...

The Balled Avenger rides again.

Tomorrow we'll get him "shooting". (Unless the Illinois Supreme Court enjoins us not to.)

P.S. Google is pure genius. Just previewing this brought up ads for "email marketing". Don't mention H3RB4L V14GR4!

Crabs of the World - #6 Space (Part 2)

A box of Kleenex (not in a good way) and half a bottle of malt whisky later and Suciô is feeling a bit better. He's still not in the mood for any marathon shooping sessions (or watching any more φυκινγ Dr DRE "music" videos).

Stage 2 - An Unstoppable Army of Crabby Minions.

The lice we made yesterday. Let's call them "Up" and "Down".

Make 5x1 arrays of "Up" and "Down".

Then 5x4 arrays of alternating "Up" and "Down".

Now create a black background big enough to hold 9x9 crabs.
Paste the 5x4 arrays into successive layers starting with 5x4Up in column 5, row 1, then 5x4Down in column 4, row 1, etc. (Don't forget to black out the trailing edge column.) Save as a .GIF with a 1000ms delay.

Jerky, unconvincing animation - just like the real thing.

Now let's add some bases. We have a "grassy knoll" that looks right for the part¹.

Tomorrow we'll start work on the "gun".

1. We're sorry to disappoint our redheaded readers, but after a week of in-depth "research" into crab-related posts, Suciô would rather not see any more "burning bushes" for a while.

Crabs of the World - #6 Space (Part 1)

After a week of crab-related posts we think that our readers probably have all the special shampoo they need, so it's about time to move on to another subject. But first we'd like to give our little friends a special send-off with one last, extra complicated animation: we're going to call it "Personal Space Invaders".

Unfortunately, Suciô has a heavy cold at the moment (too much snow shoveling), and the large quantities of medicinal whisky and brandy he's consuming make extended shooping sessions impractical. So, we're going to split the post into several stages.

Stage 1 - The Invaders

The original image - courtesy of the Wellcome Trust.

• Cut out the louse - just like we did with Mitt Romney's head.
• Cut out the body....
• and legs and antennae into separate layers.

• Rotate each of the legs and antennae individually and merge them back with the body.
• Add back our original cut-out image as a separate layer.
• And save as a GIF (I've added a black background and 1000ms frame-delay).

Tomorrow, cold and whisky permitting, we'll assemble our invaders into rows.

P.S. Just saw my best search referral ever: "Rub Kim Jong Il's belly for luck"

Crabs of the World - #5 Bikini Bottom

Hello, I'm Mr Krabs and I like money.

Well, these crab-related ads are surprisingly lucrative. Some of you must really like Maryland soft-shell crabs, or Kansas University sports memorabilia. Or perhaps you really need a hermit crab terrarium.

It couldn't be anything else could it?

Crabs of the World - #4 Kansas

A Kansas Pom-Pom Crab (Lybia tesselata kansasensis)

pictured here with head cheerleader Ginger Muffington.

Bio-Theologians from Kansas University today shocked the scientific world with the publication of the first definitive proof of the theory of Intelligent Design. Their findings show that KU cheerleaders are infested with a unique sub-species of pom-pom crab with coloration exactly matching that of the KU Jayhawks.

Team-leader, Professor Chip Quackenbush told a packed press conference: "of course all cheerleaders harbor a rich and varied assortment of crustaceans, but the odds against this color combination occurring randomly are literally astronomical."

At an emergency meeting, the Texas Board of Education ordered the recall of all Biology textbooks from the Texas school system. Teams of fundamentalist Bio-theologians are working round the clock to rush out new texts with all reference to Darwinian selection removed.

Famed Rationalist Professor Richard Dawkins declined to be interviewed before his retirement to a Trappist monastery on the Franco-Swiss border.

Crabs of the World - #3 The Kenyan Robber Crab

State of the Union.

Crabs of the World - #2 Japan

"Man with pubic lice"

(Scene from the 12th century Yamai no Soshi - Scroll of Diseases & Deformities.)
[Blogger really hates this image: it keeps disappearing as censor-bots freak over the title then get overridden.
I'm going to tint it a non-flesh color and re-post below - just as an experiment.]

"Man with blue pubic lice"

[Let's see if the censor-bots react the same way to an image without flesh-tones.]

Japanese spider crabs can grow to 13 feet across and can weigh 40lbs.